


Better Late Than Never

by FlannelGuy51



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Bill and Teena Mulder are bad parents, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fox Mulder Angst, Fox Mulder Gets a Hug, Fox Mulder Needs a Hug, Gen, Samantha Mulder Lives, Star Trek References, The Author is Very Self-Indulgent, Trans Character, Trans Fox Mulder, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, and she is an awesome sister, because apparently all I can do is write coming out fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:34:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26986009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlannelGuy51/pseuds/FlannelGuy51
Summary: Mulder has been out as a man for nearly twenty years, but things haven’t always been so smooth. It’s a good thing Samantha has been there for him—in one way or another—every step of the way.OR: Eleven-year-old Mulder comes out to seven-year-old Samantha because I said so.
Relationships: Fox Mulder & Samantha Mulder
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22
Collections: Trans Mulder Literary Universe





	Better Late Than Never

**Author's Note:**

  * For [salvabon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/salvabon/gifts).



> Welcome back to my self-indulgent trans Mulder fest! This takes place in the same universe as @salvabon’s latest trans Mulder fic, in which Samantha is just back because we decided it’s too sad of her to be gone. I hope you enjoy, my friend!

Mulder sat with bated breath, staring at the door. His parents had been gone three hours now, and they would be home any second. Samantha was in the next room watching television, and he hadn’t talked to her yet. He wasn’t sure he wanted to right now. Anxiety coiled in his stomach and he was distantly aware that his ears were very cold.

Summer was coming to an end, and with it, Mulder’s parents were beginning to discuss school. He dreaded this time of year, the time when his mother would drag him back-to-school shopping with Samantha and walk with them through the girl’s section. Samantha never had any problem picking out flowing dresses or pink t-shirts, but he could never bring himself to do it. Instead, he’d wander off to the boy’s section, grabbing camouflage hoodies or baggy shorts.

Too many times he’d left the store crying, a skirt having been thrust into his hands along with some ugly blouse.

“Why can’t you just be normal?!” his mother would shout at him as they walked to the car, and he would try to swipe away his tears.

His father was no better. Once, Mulder had asked him if they could play baseball in the yard. He knew his father had been a star athlete in high school, and nothing made Mulder happier than watching baseball games on their little TV.

But Bill had just said, “Baseball’s for boys,” and gone back to the paper.

Tonight had been the worst fight they’d had in ages. Teena had told Mulder and Samantha that they would be going shopping tomorrow, and for the first time, Mulder had refused.

“No,” Mulder had said as Teena had cooked lunch in the kitchen.

“No?” his mother had replied, smiling a bit. “Don’t be silly! You need clothes.”

“Not the ones you’re going to get me.” Mulder took a deep breath. “I want boys’ clothes. No more skirts, no more dresses, no more  _ pink. _ ”

Teena sighed and turned to face her son. “This is ridiculous. You are going shopping for new clothes tomorrow, and that is final.”

“NO!” Mulder insisted. “I won’t go! I won’t go unless you let me in the boys’ section! I’ll...I’ll run away!”

“No, no, you can’t run away, Fox!”

Mulder turned to see his little sister, all of seven years old, jumping out of her chair and running to him. A few of her crayons fell to the floor as she bumped into the table. Samantha wrapped her arms tightly around him and began to cry. Mulder smiled slightly at her silly nickname for him, grateful that she hadn’t used his real name. It had been bothering him recently, and he wasn’t quite sure why, but somehow Samantha had known. She always knew.

Teena’s sigh broke him out of his thoughts. “Oh, great, now look what you’ve done! Bill, come in here and tell your daughter she’s being ridiculous!”

The word “daughter” grated on Mulder’s ears. It was so feminine, so absolute. He wished he understood why he despised it so much. He didn’t have much time to dwell on it, though, because soon his father was looming in the kitchen doorway. He said Mulder’s name, the one he hated, and Mulder looked down at the floor.

“Look,” Bill began impatiently, “you’re starting middle school now. You need to start acting like a  _ girl,  _ or else no one will want to be friends with you. This has gone on for far too long, and we’re putting our foot down.”

“Do you want everyone to think you’re weird?” his mother questioned.

Mulder felt his eyes begin to fill with tears. He wasn’t even at the store yet and already he couldn’t handle this conversation. “I...I don’t…”

“Fox isn’t weird!” Samantha cut in.

Mulder looked down at her, dumbstruck.

“I love Fox just the way she is! There isn’t anything wrong with her at all! Don’t call her weird, Mommy, that’s mean! And I’ll always be her friend.”

Suddenly, Mulder could no longer stop himself. Tears began to flow freely down his face, and with all the strength he could muster, he lifted Samantha up into his arms and held her tightly.

Meanwhile, Bill and Teena looked just as dumbstruck as Mulder. It was the father that shook himself out of it.

“Samantha, we are talking to your sister, not you.” He said Mulder’s name again, and Mulder met his father’s eyes warily. “You are going shopping with your mother tomorrow whether you like it or not. That’s all I’ll say on the matter.” Bill checked his watch and put a hand on his wife’s shoulder. “We have to go, we’ll be late.”

And just like that, they were gone, leaving Mulder in the kitchen with his little sister. He placed her on the ground again, still looking at her in awe.

“What’s with all the staring?” Samantha asked, pouting a bit.

“Nothing, nothing,” Mulder replied. “I’m just surprised a little kid like you could say something so smart.”

She shoved him and he laughed a bit. “I’m not that much littler than you, buttmunch!”

“Shut up and eat your lunch,” the older brother said, shoving his sister gently towards the counter.

Once they finished eating, Mulder headed upstairs. He was thankful for Sam stepping in for him earlier, but he really just wanted to be alone. Mulder reached under his bed to grab a box of some actions figures a family friend had given him for his last birthday. Mulder had already lost Captain Kirk’s gun, and one of Spock’s feet was a bit nicked, but he loved them with all his heart.

As he began to pay with them, his hair fell into his eyes. He swiped at it absently. It was too long, and it made him look too much like a girl.

_ Why don’t I wanna look like a girl?  _ Mulder thought as he pulled out a couple more toys.  _ Is there something wrong with me?  _ Gradually, a feeling of panic started to overwhelm him. His parents’ words rang in his ears, and all of a sudden it felt like someone had taken all the air out of the room. Mulder drew in deep breaths and released them quickly. As he did so, his hair fell into his eyes again. He swept it away but it came back, mocking him as it swung before his face, never allowing him to forget that it was there.

“Stop it!” Mulder yelled. “STOP!” And then he was crying again, pulling on his hair hard enough that it hurt, anything to get it to go away. He dropped his toys on the ground and rushed to the bathroom. 

Mulder stepped into the blindingly white bathroom and chanced a look at himself in the mirror. In it he saw a messy haired little girl with red eyes, wearing a hoodie far too big for her and far too hot for the middle of August. He couldn’t hate what he saw; he didn’t even recognize it. As he touched his face, Mulder realized that he could hardly rationalize that his reflection—that crying little girl—was him.

“But I don’t look like that…” he whispered.  _ Then what do you look like?  _ Almost on instinct, Mulder opened the top drawer next to the bathroom sink. Sure enough, his dad’s electric razor was sitting right there. Hands shaking, Mulder took the razor from the drawer and plugged it into the wall. He clicked it on and took one sobering look in the mirror.  _ Normal,  _ he thought,  _ isn’t worth feeling like this. _

And so he swiped the razor over his scalp. Again and again and again, Mulder shaved off the hair that seemed to hold him prisoner, and watched it fall gently to the floor. The more he cut, the more of his face he could see. The more of  _ himself  _ he could see. He cut until there was hardly any left. It wasn’t quite a buzz cut, but it was enough to send his mother shrieking. He couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry at the thought.

As Mulder sweeped his hair off the ground, the words of his parents began to drift through his mind again. He was weird, he was just a girl, he’d never have any friends. He was different. By the time the long brown strands were all neatly sweeped into a bag, Mulder could feel his heart pounding out of his chest.

_ Oh, God. What have I done? _

Absently, Mulder carried the bag downstairs and placed it in the trash. He sat down at the kitchen table, and he waited. Disaster scenarios rolled through his brain. His father screaming at him. His mother never talking to him again. Samantha deciding that he’d gone too far and she wouldn’t play with him for the rest of time. Mulder could hear the TV blaring, Samantha’s occasional giggles at something. He wanted to go and talk to her, to ask her if she still thought he was normal, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. So he just sat there, waiting.

After what felt like forever (and yet no time at all), Mulder heard the lock of the door click. He sat up straight, taking in a deep breath, his leg bouncing up and down like crazy. His mother was first in the door, his father holding it for her, and they were both laughing. And then she saw him.

She screamed his name. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?!”

Mulder tried to form words, but then he saw his father’s expression. Utter disappointment and absolute disgust.

“I…” Mulder started, but his father just turned away and walked upstairs. “Dad—”

“I can’t believe you!” Teena exclaimed, slamming the door behind her. “This is...this is ridiculous! I mean, just look at you! You look hideous!”

Mulder felt all of the blood rush from his face. He felt like he might throw up. Suddenly, he seemed to be shaking and couldn’t stop. “Mom, please…”

“No!” she exclaimed. “No. You are...this is...you are  _ not  _ going shopping like this. It’s embarrassing for people to see you this way! You should be ashamed. And I…” Teena took a shaky breath and pointed a finger at her son. “I am going to bed. I can’t even  _ look  _ at you right now!” And then she was gone.

Mulder felt his knees give as he crashed into a chair. A tidal wave was crashing into him over and over again, and he wanted to leap from his body and get as far away from here as he could possibly go. There was wetness on his face, and his body was shaking. Suddenly, he realized he was sobbing. Mulder rushed up the stairs to his room and slammed the door. He turned off the light and climbed into bed, crying in to his pillow for who knew how long.

_ Stupid, stupid, STUPID!  _ he screamed at himself, pounding his fist against the mattress pointlessly. Something  _ was  _ wrong with him, something was innately wrong with him and he should try harder to be a normal person and—

“Fox?”

The gentle voice caused Mulder to slowly sit up, his breath still hitching a bit. Samantha stood in the doorway, hands clasped behind her back, staring down at him with her pretty blue eyes. She closed his door and rushed over, crawling under the sheets into his bed. Mulder turned to face her, waiting for her to tell him he was ugly and weird and not her sibling anymore.

But Samantha didn’t say anything. She just lifted a tiny hand towards him and ran it gently over his head. Back and forth, she moved her hand, petting the little hair he had left. And then she  _ giggled. _

“It’s soft,” Samantha said with a smile. “It wasn’t this soft before.”

Mulder couldn’t help but crack a smile. “It was a huge mess before,” he replied. His voice was hoarse, but she didn’t seem to mind. “This is...easier.”

Samantha nodded, continuing to rub his hair. “Fox? How come you cut it when you knew Mommy and Daddy would be upset?”

“Um…”

“And how come you don’t like your name anymore? And how come you always want boys’ clothes? And how come—”

“Whoa, Sam,” Mulder interjected, pulling her hand from his head and meeting her eyes. “I can’t answer all these questions! I don’t even  _ know  _ the answers to all these questions!”

Samantha hesitated. “Would you...hm…would you…no…”

“Spit it out,” Mulder said, shoving her a bit. He tried to smile, but inside his heart was beating faster than ever.

“Would you want to be...my big  _ brother  _ instead of my big sister?”

And then it clicked. Mulder couldn’t explain it then, or at any time in the future, but it was suddenly like the world had crashed down around his ears and he was, for the first time, truly in it. The realization was both the most terrifying thing and the greatest relief he’d ever experienced in his life.

“I’m a boy,” Mulder whispered experimentally. Through his anxiety, Mulder felt something like clarity. “I’m a boy!”

“I thought so!” Samantha said, smiling. “You’re too messy to be a girl.”

Mulder started laughing and sat up, pulling Samantha into his arms. “You won’t tell Mom and Dad?”

“Pinky swear,” she replied. “My big brother, Fox.”

“My name is  _ not  _ Fox,” Mulder shot back, letting go of his sister and tossing a pillow at her head.

“What is it, then?”

“Well, I don’t know, Samantha! I only just figured this out. Maybe William…”

Samantha giggled again. “That’s Daddy’s name! No, you’re Fox.”

“I am  _ not Fox! _ ” Mulder insisted. “That’s a stupid name, Samantha. No one is named Fox.”

“ _ You _ are!” Samantha said, hugging her brother's legs.

“Oh my god,” Mulder sighed, hugging her back. “I guess you can keep calling me Fox,  _ for now,  _ since Mom and Dad think it’s just a cute nickname. But the second I come up with something better, you’re changing whenever it’s just us. Okay?”

“Fox, Fox, Fox!” Samantha said in a sing-songy tone. “I have an big brother and his name is Fox!”

Mulder rolled his eyes and watched his sister dawdle back to her room. Somewhere in the back of his brain, he dreaded what was to come, but for now, he knew who he was. He was happy with it, and so was Samantha. What more could he really ask for?

Mulder sat with a coffee in his hand, staring at the door. He’d been waiting in the café for nearly twenty minutes and still Samantha was nowhere to be seen.

_ I shouldn’t even be surprised,  _ he thought. So far, Samantha had shown up to all of zero of their weekly hangouts on time. This was ironic, Mulder thought, because she had come back into his life twenty-two years late as well.  _ Better late than never. _

Just as Mulder was reaching into his coat to grab his phone, the bell on the door clanged. Samantha came in all in a rush, a briefcase in one hand and a large bag in the other. She strided over to the counter and ordered a coffee, maneuvering her bags around to pull out her wallet and throw some cash at the barista.

“Hey, Fox,” Samantha said, crashing down into a chair across from her brother.

“Hey there, Samantha,” Mulder replied, a lopsided grin on his face. “You look…a little crazed, to put it kindly.”

She rolled her eyes at him and set down her bags. “I just got out of the office. I’m writing this big story on all these happenings at a cigarette company downtown and I’m thinking it’s gonna knock down their sales a little bit.” She grinned. “But surely an important monster-hunting FBI agent couldn’t understand why such a thing would be so important.”

Mulder resisted the childish urge to shove her and just laughed. “Yeah, well, the government hasn’t brainwashed me yet. But thank you for your loving concern. What’s in the bag?”

“Ah, yes, the bag.” Samantha leaned down and picked up the big bag she had carried in and handed it across the table. “I was just by Mom and Dad’s, and while I was there, I was sort of loitering in your old room. And by loitering I mean…totally messing with everything. But, uh, the point is that I was digging under your bed and I found—”

“Spock!” Mulder exclaimed. From the bag he pulled out his old action figures, the very same ones he’d been playing with the day he’d first cut his hair. “God, yeah, it’s all my old toys!”

“Mom said that you, um...didn’t have much time to grab your things before you left for college.”

Mulder scoffed. “No thanks to her. She practically ran me out of there, shouting at me for making her lose a second daughter.” Mulder paused for a moment, then met his sister's eyes. “That’s all in the past, of course.”

Samantha smiled warmly and reached across the table, grabbing Mulder’s hand tightly. They stayed like that for a moment, holding onto each other, afraid that they might never see each other again if they let go. But Samantha, always the one to sense what her brother needed, finally pulled away and smirked at Mulder.

“You know, a funny thing about those toys,” she said. “All of them—and I mean  _ all  _ of them—have ‘Fox’ written on them in red marker. What’s that about?”

“Some kind of teenage rebellion I guess,” Mulder quipped, remembering how his mother had laughed it off as just that when he’d started going by Fox at school.

“No, no, that’s not what I mean at all. You see, I remember a certain somebody saying that Fox was a stupid name.”

“Now hold on—”

“That  _ nobody  _ had that name, and that that certain somebody would never,  _ ever  _ have that name!”

“Look,” Mulder said, going red, “after you left...I wanted something left from you. Something to hold onto. And you’d been calling me Fox for so long that I just...made it official.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet!” Samantha said.

Mulder smiled, and for a moment he thought he’d gotten off scot-free. And then—

“But  _ Fox?  _ I mean, really, you had every single name—”

“I hate you,” Mulder groaned, grinning. “There I was, deep in mourning, and you think you have the right to judge the way I coped? Really, Samantha, that’s just cruel.”

“I’m simply asking you to consider  _ all  _ the different ways you could’ve honored me with your name, and how above all else, you chose the stupid nickname I came up for you when I was six. Because of my favorite animal.”

Mulder stood suddenly, grabbing his bag. “Why don’t we go ask Scully? She likes my name, so let’s go ask her.”

Samantha stood too, her smirk widening and she picked up her briefcase. “Alright, lead the way,  _ Fox. _ ”

They left the café, so caught up in their rivalry that Samantha didn’t even remember to grab her coffee. Not that it was the coffee that was important anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please message me here or on Tumblr (@bowie-boy) if you have any trans Mulder or other X-Files thoughts you wanna share!


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